Well, it’s already two months into the new year, and, if you're like me, I’m sure ya’ll are working hard on the 2011 resolutions you've been meaning to get started on, but probably won't keep. Like planning for diets, excercise and weight loss regimins that really aren't gonna last – cause we all know the holidays will come around again at the end of the year and there goes all that hard work… Ok, so hopefully you have had more luck with your resolutions than I usually have.
I’ve spent some time (two months) reflecting on 2010. It truly was a whirlwind year! There was some pain, there was some sorrow, and there was definitely some regret. However, in all of that, there was laughter, there was joy and most importantly, there was love. There are days I hope to never relive, and moments I can remember being so full of fear I thought I was going to explode! In all of that, there is so much I can only thank God I experienced. Every moment of fear taught me a little more about my own courage. For each tear I shed in pain, I shed five tears of laughter. Every time I was knocked on my butt, someone was there to help me get back on my feet. Yes, I have been blessed, and I am fortunate enough to realize it! There is another, more important and most rewarding knowledge that came to me this year. For every time someone was there for me, I was there for someone else. That brings more joy, comfort and hope for my new year than reflecting on the many good things I have been given.
I spent a majority of my life being selfish. I worked hard for myself. I gave only when I knew there was a benefit for me. I showed affection only to those who showed me affection first. My heart and my emotions were so tightly kept in my own pocket that I never truly appreciated or loved the amazing people in my life. But over the last couple of years I let God break me. You see, the sweet thing about finally surrendering is God will break you, but He will do it in a way that doesn’t actually hurt. Now, it isn’t easy, and that doesn’t mean you won’t have to come to terms with past hurt, but you won’t experience hurt in the same way ever again. I faced my past and through His strength I was able to stand.
This last year, I apologized for pain I had caused, and I learnt my own pain was minimal in comparison to the pain I caused others to experience. I found a way to really look at my actions, to examine my behaviors and to fully understand the consequences of all I do or say. A healing process began in me, and through it I was able to reach out to others and encourage them to allow their own healing to begin. That is what I hope to inspire by sharing this with you. Pain is part of life. We cannot escape it, and no matter how we try, it cannot be avoided. There is hope sweet sister, when you allow God to take your pain; you can find His joy through it. No, I am not crazy, but yes, there is a way to find joy in your pain. The everlasting joy that comes with completely surrendering your pain to God will remain in you through pain, fear, frustration and even in moments when you want to be angry. These feelings are not of God, and no matter how much the events of this life bring us close to them, if you remember that God has your back, you find joy!
If you look at God as a freight train and all those negative emotions as a car, the car doesn’t even stand a chance! That train will roll right over it and only fragments will be left on the side of the tracks. That is what Gods joy does to all those negative things. You cannot be overcome by them and if you reach out, He will lift you up. Every time you feel your equilibrium is coming off center, He will balance you out. That is our God. He is amazing and He wants nothing more than to see us experience Him to the fullest.
I am excited to see what 2011 will bring my way. I am prepared for some pain and a few tears, but I can thank God now that they will be outnumbered my laughter and smiles and joy! As the healing process continues in me, I will keep more people close to my heart. I will not let my heart and my emotions stay locked away. I will share my heart with the people I love. I will express my emotions as I feel them. I will love. Oh boy, will I love!
I will live this year, not for myself, but for the people around me. I give to those in need. I will smile more. I will do something every day to make someone else smile. When life is getting tough, I will reach for a good friend and a glass of wine and I will laugh my worries away.
I will remind myself every day of how blessed I am. I will breath in life every morning. I will drink in the promises of my God before my coffee. I will trust in my Savior to carry me when I think I cannot stand. Now, there are some resolutions I think I can live with.
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